


Creature Comfort, Make It Painless

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Chaptered, Enimies - Freeform, Fluff, Hate Sex, Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 02:46:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14802888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Wade Wilson is Deadpool.Peter Parker is Spider-Man.They don't know eachother.After fatefully meeting one night they start a relationship. Sorry, I mean a love/hate relationship, where Wade hates Peter and tries to kill him and Peter hates him as well. Wait did I say love? I meant hate.Stranger-Enimies-Lovers





	Creature Comfort, Make It Painless

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. Enjoy some OOC dialogue.

  
Spidey:  
It’s been a long day for our Web Headed Swinging Superhero. Two seperate robberies, a purse snatcher, a threat from an old friend gone bad, and the worst thing yet: rent. Life hasn’t been too kind to Peter Parker (or Spider-Man for that matter). He’s waiting on that light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining, his knight in shining armor. Something to make everything okay again. Too many things have gone wrong. And he’s had enough.  
Spider-Man is currently swinging through New York City, thoughts of his life in tow. It wasn’t even that late (about one in the morning) yet he was ready to call it quits. So many things were going on, it was as if all of the criminals in the city decided to crawl out of their hiding spots and come out to play. A guttural scream echos off the sky scrapers and spidey immediately swings over to its source. ‘Please make this quick and painless’ he thinks to himself. He scoffs, knowing there’s no one but him who would understand his pain.

[]= Yellow Box, {}= White Box

Deadpool:  
Halfway across the city Deadpool sits in his musty apartment. An old box TV sits on a cracked TV stand. A VCR box lays haphazardly on the ground,  
occasionally producing a concerning buzzing sound. Stains paint the walls. Mold seems to have invaded the loft. Various empty packets of chips, twinkies, and takeout litter the splintered floor. Wade Wilson lounges on the broken couch wearing My Little Pony boxers but completely nude otherwise. The TV blares “The Price is Right” before Wade groans and throws the remote at the screen, completely destroying the object.

[Great, now look what you’ve done, fuckface.]

“I’m BORED” Wade shouts.

{Perhaps destroying our only source of entertainment might not have been the best idea}

“You call that entertainment? Puh-lease.” He slides of the couch and falls to the ground. He lays there, face to the floor before sighing. “I need something to do.”

[More like someone. When was the last time someone touched that ugly body of yours?]

“I take offense to that!”

[But you know I’m right]

Wade doesn’t answer for a minute. The boxes begin to this he's fallen asleep before he sighs deeply. “Fine, we’ll go out and get us some ass.” The boxes cheer. Wade gets up, feeling more himself with a little encouragement. He skips to his bedroom before slamming open the closet door. He rakes his fingers through the identical “Deadpool” suits he owns.  
“Hmmm, what are we thinking tonight, boys? A little more classy?” He yanks out one of the suits before shaking his head and putting it back. “I don’t think so. Ooh! What about sultry?” Again, he pulls out an identical suit to the prior.

[Just put on a fucking suit you asshat! They’re all the same!]

Ignoring the box Deadpool pulls out one last suit. “Ah, the perfect suit for the perfect bootycall occasion.” He quickly pulls on the suit before getting his mask on. Grabbing the necessities (his katanas, some guns, a pack of condoms, jar of lube, and a grenade) he takes off to the sleaziest part of town.

  
Spidey:  
Thankfully, that scream was a false alarm. Well, not really. A girl was getting bombarded by some douche who thinks it’s his god-given right to get attention from every girl in the world. As soon as he saw Spider-Man though, he ran. Luckily, they were close to her apartment, so walking her home didn’t take up too much time. Now Spider-Man swings above the restless. Occasionally he sees people staring and pointing at him. The random camera flash rarely throws him off anymore.  
He makes multiple rounds around the city before deciding his last stop should be towards the edge of the city, not far from Queens. Home. A lot happens in this area. He wouldn’t be surprised if there’s something sleazy going on. Then, a tingle flows through his spine. Something sleazy just might be closer to him than he first thought.  
Walking quietly on top of a strip clubs’ roof he peaks below. A man wearing a bright red mask saunters away from the establishment, a blondie attached to him arm like an accessory.  
“I heard you like bad boys” Peter hears the man say. Then the man whispers in the woman's ear, making her giggle.  
They turn a corner into an alleyway. Suddenly, the man pushes the woman against the wall. Intrigued, Spidey continues to watch. The masked man whispers in her ear again before reaching for something in his back pocket. Peter follows his movement with his eyes before stuttering out a gasp when he sees the gun. Sure he saw the Katanas, but he assumed they were fake. Now, not so much.  
Before the man can reach the gun Peter jumps to the ground and shoots a web at the mans hand, pulling him against the opposite wall. He hits the brick with a groan.  
“What the fuck?” The man mumbles.  
“Get out of here!” Spider-Man shouts to the cowering girl. She nods her head and bolts, pumps clicking rapidly against the pavement.  
“Ok, now what the fuck.” The man seems ten times more pissed that Spider-Man sent away the girl.  
“Who in the world do you think you are? Look at this,” the man lifts his oddly bent hand. “Now how am I gonna get laid tonight?” He stares seemingly into thin air, speaking to no one. “Yeah I realize that.” Suddenly he jumps on Spidey, tackling him to the ground.  
Peter rolls out from under him and jumps up on the nearest wall. He doesn’t recognize the masked man before him. He knows he’s seen that face before but he can’t put his finger on where he’s seen him. New superhero in town? No, can’t be. Too many weapons. New villain? Maybe, but he’d have heard about him from meetings with Stark. The masked man throws a Katana at Spider-Man's head and he jumps.  
“Listen, bug boy. I am in no fightin’ mood. But if you don’t hold still so I can kill ya, I will be.”  
“Who are you?” Spider-Man blurts.  
The man stops in his tracks. “Who am I? You woulda’ thought somebody’d read up on ya before they try to kill ya. Chivalry is dead.”  
“Kill you!” Spider-Man screeches. “I’m not trying to kill you! I’m trying to stop you from murdering that girl!”  
“Stereotyping much? I wasn’t gonna kill her!”  
Spider-Man stutters. “Then, why were you reaching for your gun?”  
“Bold of you to assume I was reaching for my gun. I was reaching for my condoms you dimwit piece of shit.”  
Peter freezes. This is the point of the night when he says fuck it, and goes home. So he does. He just runs, embarrassment flooding his systems. As quickly as he can, he swings across the city back to his apartment, window already open and ready for him to climb into. He falls into bed and quickly falls asleep. It has been a long fucking day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A comment would be nice. Or if you can leave a kudos. My ego's fragile, like a straight boys masculinity.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if u wanna chat my tumblr is also hellolucifer. I wont post update times there but if you wanna know when i will update u can dm me.   
> ALSO: second chapter is IN THE WORKS. Should be done around June 8 (dont @ me its finals week ok). Im also working on a second spideypool fic oneshot/smut/au. should be done around the same time. This ones interesting as im playing around with some wild themes. Lets just say Peter makes a deal with the devil and he cant go back on his words now, can he? LOOK OUT FOR THAT <3


End file.
